Hey Readers,
Since I posted my last blog things haven't been going that well. I would open my computer to start blogging and just couldn't find the words to express what I was feeling. Since March I feel like I've been stuck in the same state of mind and because the job I had in September didn't work out, I'm back at square one. It must be annoying reading my posts because it almost sounds the same every time, so imagine me having to live it lol.
On a positive note my baking business launched the week before Thanksgiving and I did pretty well! I am so appreciative of all my family and friends who placed orders and supported me. When I started putting together my logo and menu I was so excited, I love baking and I love making people happy. But as the orders came in, to be completely honest I was so terrified. I went from baking as a hobby, delivering treats to friends and family to now being paid to do it. It was a lot of pressure and overwhelming for a few reasons, one being I was so nervous that people wouldn't be satisfied with my desserts. Im not a baker by trade but I know my desserts taste good. Second, there were quite a bit of orders that came in and I've very good at time management but baking isn't easy, it takes a lot of time and it's a lot of work. Thankfully my mom offered to help when she could which took some weight off my shoulders. I was so excited to see the orders coming in but when it came down to baking I just had a pit in my stomach the whole time. Rather than it being fun and enjoyable, I was just stressed out. It sucked because the reason I started this business was to do something I enjoy in the meantime until my career as an RECE takes off. I got in my head wondering about what people were going to think about my desserts and therefore made me anxious and thought people would think I was a fool for starting this.
Obviously that wasn't the case, all I got was positive feedback about my desserts. Once my last customer came to pick up her order that pit in my stomach that decided to linger for 4 days, finally went away. I had a therapy session a few days later and explained to my therapist what I was feeling and how it made me upset that I didn't get to enjoy the experience. She explained to me that in everything that I do, I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself. For example, the job I had last month I tried so hard to make it work. I pushed myself to drive far, I pushed myself to work during COVID even though I was afraid, I pushed myself to do a different job than what I had in mind because I told myself I needed to make it work. She then explained that all the trauma I have faced makes me more inclined to put so much pressure to make things work because when it doesn't work it feels like the end of the world, it makes me feel like a failure or that I do not have control. But that's not the case, reality is I am doing the best that I can, as long as I put in the effort that's all that really matters. I should not put so much pressure on myself with everything I do. Sometimes things just don't work out, sometimes things happen that we can't control, so does that mean I'm a failure, no. However that's not how my brain works, logically that makes sense, but I am trying to re wire the way my thought process works, I'm only human after all. So if you're like me, when things don't go as planned, when you feel defeated, when you want to give up because life is throwing you curve balls and nothing is going your way, just know you are not alone. Life is not fair, life can feel like hell but life can also be beautiful. If you only focus on the negatives you will never appreciate the positives. When things don't work out the way I expected, I try to think about what's good in my life. As much as I wish life could pan out exactly the way I envisioned it to be, that's not realistic, but that doesn't mean I stop planning all together. In order to live a healthy life it's essential to be prepared for life's inconveniences but continue to experience the beauties that life has to offer. Especially because of COVID I have learned that life is so precious, we should be spending what time we have enjoying our lives, not dwelling on the things that have not gone to plan or wishing things worked out differently.
I cannot wait for the rest of my life to unfold. I see my future presented in front of me, so clear I can almost touch it. The next few years will involve so many beautiful memories and I'm sure some other unexpected things, but I will continue to have a positive attitude and take it one day at a time. With the love and support of my friends and family I know my future will be bright. Thanks for reading!
Deanna
Also I decided to bake some gingerbread cookies and listen to Christmas music today because that's what makes me the happiest so below is a picture of my cute little cookies :)
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