So Much To Be Thankful For

I've come on here several times, drafting my next post and then quickly deleting everything I wrote. It's not like me to have writers block, but lately I haven't been feeling like myself and every time I try to write out my thoughts, it doesn't come across how I want it to. It's hard to believe this year is almost over, 2024 has had a lot of challenges, but at the same time its had many beautiful memories. My godson turned 1, I went on two vacations, one with a group of friends and the other with my parents. Two of best friends got engaged and another set of best friends got married. I always try my best to let the positive experiences outshine the negative one's but its easier said then done. I've always said that life goes by with or without you and this year I feel like time has gone by and I've sat on the sidelines watching it. I've let a lot of my struggles get the better of me this year. Countless hours, days, weeks even months stressing over things and I will never get back that time. My anxiety definitely amplifies some of the situations that I am faced with but I've noticed this last year that rather then dealing with my anxiety head on like I usually do, I've found myself ignoring or deflecting my issues. I'm not entirely sure why I have adopted this new coping strategy. Maybe it's because I'm getting tired of discussing the same issues over and over again with no real resolution. Maybe I don't want to end up hurt. Maybe I've changed, maybe I no longer want to deal with my anxiety the way I've done in the past or maybe I just don't want to face it because then that means it's real. I find myself being more closed off, I tend not to share as much as I did to my friends and family. I guess it's because the more I talk about it, the more times I have to relive it.

Turning 28 this year has caused me to do a lot of thinking. Thinking of what the future will look like. What I expected my life to look like at 28 is very far from my current reality. I've even questioned some of the things I've once wanted, wondering if I still want them. I've grown more fond of travelling, something I didn't think I had much interest in since my parents accident. But having just come back from Italy I've realized that there are so many places in the world that I want to go and see. However, starting a family has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. Debating between more travelling or starting a family I'm sure is a hot topic amongst many people my age. And my saying becomes more relevant then ever in this situation, life goes by with or without you, the choices you make will determine what the next week, month or year will look like. 

Wrapping up the Thanksgiving weekend, being able to spend some quality time with family and friends and reflecting on all the things I am thankful for. Sometimes all it takes is seeing all the blessings laid out in front of you for you to take a moment and pause to appreciate it. As I get older and have been through difficult times in my life, all I want to do is surround myself with people who give the same love, support, respect and energy to me as I give to them. So when life throws a curve ball I know I can count on these people to be there for me to catch my fall. I may be in a place now where I don't want to talk about my problems as much as I used to, there will be a point in my life where that will change. And when that time comes I know I have a great group of people that I can turn to that will encourage me to keep going, and that's all I could ask for.

I don't know what the future has in store for me. Of course I have my wants and dreams and I aspire to accomplish them. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, even during the times when I can't understand why. I try to trust that there are bigger and better things coming my way. With two months left in the year, I pray that they are filled with nothing but good health, happiness and lots of great memories. So much can change in such a short period of time, who knows what can happen before the year is over. I am truly looking forward to the holidays, a time when I feel most like myself. Baking, decorating, listening to Christmas music, always lifts my spirts. I hope to end the year off with my friends and family around me, being thankful for another year behind us.

Until next time...