Update

Hello readers,

It's been a while, hope everyone is staying safe! The last few days have been hectic and when I feel overwhelmed, blogging has been such an amazing outlet so bare with me today as I rant. For those of you that have been keeping up with me, know that I want to be a Kindergarten teacher. I have been on such a long journey to get me to this point and I have been looking forward to starting my career but unfortunately COVID just came in and ruined everything! There is so much uncertainty still in regard's to the what the new school year will entail and I'm stuck at a crossroad. I have ultimately two options to choose from. Option 1- wait for schools to re open and hope that they will be hiring supply ECE's when they do or option 2- find a job at a daycare since they have re opened recently and work there until schools are hiring for ECE's. 

So you're sitting here probably thinking, "Go with option 2, you can work and make money until your dream job becomes available." And I totally agree with you, that makes the most sense. You're never going to find your dream job on the first try and believe me if anyone knows that it's me. But adding COVID to the mix makes things so much more difficult for me. Some of you may think that COVID is practically over and there's nothing to worry about anymore. But I struggle with anxiety and so it takes me longer to overcome things then the "average" person. I have to take extra steps to get to a reasonable headspace. A lot of you may have recently returned to work, or you may have been working this entire time but you need to understand what it's like to work in a daycare with normal circumstances and what our jobs entail now with COVID. 

Working at a daycare on a normal bases requires us to not only teach but to clean up after, feed, change etc. We can come into contact with illness' because we are working so close with children and their families. While doing my placement for my final semester I contracted strep throat from one of the children, that's just part of the job. And getting into the field I knew this and I'm okay with this, I love working with children. But COVID is different, this is a world wide pandemic, countries have shut down, closed their borders, this isn't just strep throat, take penicillin for a week and get better. Yes there are more precautions in place that are mandated by the government but COVID is not a simple copy and paste, every case is different. People have different symptoms or none at all. What does it take for a child and their family to come in, have symptoms but I am unaware, pass it to me and then I bring it home to my family. 

It's a lot more to think about, before I would struggle with choosing a job because I would stress out worrying about if it would me happy. But now I have to add my anxieties around safety. I know to some people this may seem ridiculous, but these are my legitimate concerns, these are struggles I have to deal with, they are real problems to me. I have spoken to many people in different lines of work and how they have been coping with COVID in their work environment and to tell you the truth I get all different types of answers. Some people take it very seriously, they constantly wash their hands, clean around them, strip their clothes the minute they walk through their front door. And then there are other people who are not even phased, don't wear masks, business as usual. I have been home since the day COVID took over our country. I have not gone into any store to do anything. I have been so afraid to put myself out there because to be honest, I haven't had the best luck in the last few years. And I know that luck has nothing to do with contracting the virus but in my mind I feel safe at home, knowing I'm doing what I can to not put myself at risk. Things have happened to me in the past beyond my control and so I feel like going out would put me in that similar situation. 

Yes the numbers are down, yes we are entering phase 3, yes restaurants are open etc. But that's also because our economy is going to shits and if we don't start reopening things, then we will go into a recession, if were not already in one. I've come to terms that this current life situation will be our new "normal" for quite some time. So I either get on board now and start facing my fears or live in a bubble and not enjoy my life. I want to start my career, I want to start my life with Joseph and the only way that's going to happen is if I get a job, not stay at home. I get all of that, I understand that, my struggle is fighting with my anxieties and pushing through my fears, that is easier said then done. This weekend I'm going to step out of my comfort zone and I'm going to the grocery store, I am going to take baby steps until I can over come this. 

Anyway thank you for reading my rant today, I hope that if you are feeling similar that you can gain some comfort knowing that you are not alone. Have a great day and stay safe!

Deanna