My Childhood

Where do I even begin... let me start off by saying that I am very fortunate for the family that I have, I understand people have it far worse then I do so I want to take a moment to appreciate what I do have and I am grateful for it. 

I grew up at Jane and Sheppard in Toronto and for the first few years of my life the neighbourhood was filled with Italian families and there were a lot of kids my age. My favourite thing to do on a Saturday afternoon was to go outside on the street and see all the kids playing together. At the time we didn't really have much family, so our friends became our family. My family wasn't well off like some of the other families we knew, but we managed. We had tenants living in our basement to help cover some of our expenses. My parents did everything that they could to make us happy, put a roof over our heads and food on the table. When I was born my dad lost his job and so my mom wasn't able to take a maternity leave. She returned back to work after 3 months and my dad stayed home with me until he got a new job. From what they told me, they struggled to get back on their feet. My grandparents on my dad's side lived down the street from us but there was some tension between my grandfather and my parents, so we didn't really spend a lot of time with them. On my mom's side she did not have a relationship with her father so I never knew him. My grandmother was sick, she had alzheimer and wasn't able to communicate. She was being taken care of in a nursing home so I didn't see her often. My mother has three brothers and for a long period of time she only spoke to one of them. My dad had a sister who he didn't really get along with either. So from the picture I just painted for you, you can understand that our family was really only my parents and brother. The summer before going into grade 1 the neighbourhood started to turn sour, there was a large increase of violence and crime. My parents decided to move our family to Maple, at the time it was a new and up-and-coming area. But this meant that we had to say goodbye to all of the friends that we made and start new. 

My parents both had their struggles and challenges with their families and so my brother and I grew up not really knowing much about our family. My mom's best friend had a family of her own and so they became our family. They had three boys who became like our cousins and we did everything together. I can't even explain the amount of things we used to do, how much fun we used to have together and all the memories we share. We were taught to call our parent's friends Zia and Zio (italian for Aunt and Uncle), out of respect, because these people were more like family then our actual family. For us it was normal, we knew these people weren't actually family members but they felt like family to us. At the time we didn't really understand why we didn't have much family but we never questioned things, that's just what it was. I remember for a project in grade 2 we had to make a family tree and I remember approaching my mom and asking who the names of some of our family members because I didn't even know them. My mom told me once that family doesn't have to share the same blood as you, sometimes friends can love you more, blood doesn't determine family. 

I think the most cherished memories I have are when I would go to one of my mom's friends cottage during the summer. We would ram 3 families, the one stated previously and the ones that own the cottage, totalling 6 adults and 7 kids into this small 4 bedroom cottage, but going there every summer was honestly the best time of my life. It was a time that all the kids would play together, stay up late and be silly. We would walk to the beach everyday, play board games after dinner and make s'mores by the fire at night. In these moments nothing else mattered, to me it felt like I was part of a real family. Recalling back most of the trips we took were with these families, Montreal, Ottawa, Cuba the list goes on. These people were like our family and these memories will always be dear to my heart. 

(I couldn't pick just one they were all so cute!)

I remember the first day of grade 1 at a the new school near my house, I was so nervous because I didn't know anyone. When we approached the poster's in the playground that determined which classroom I was going to be in, I bumped into a women that I recognized. It was a mom of a girl who I went to school with previously and we ended up reconnecting. It was so nice to have at least one friend in this new neighbourhood, who has continued to be one of my best friends for the last 21 years. It wasn't too difficult to make friends at the new school but no one I really spent time with outside of school. At the time my mom was dropping us off at a friends house in the mornings to bring us to school because her children attended the same school as well. However after 2 years they had a falling out and so my mom transferred me to a different school and I had to start all over again. Starting grade 3 at a new school where everyone there has grown up together for years was extremely difficult. For the first year I was there I didn't really have any friends. The girls I did hang out with weren't always nice to me. The first year was challenging but it didn't get any easier, I was bullied up until I left for high school. I tried to be friends with just about anyone that was willing to be friends with me. I was the type of person that was friendly to everyone and I would make friends in several different "groups" because I never really fit into one. There were times where I would just sit alone on the grass until recess was over. I rarely was invited to peoples birthday's but I remember one time I was invited to a girls birthday party and the entire time I was there everyone was making fun of me to the point that I just cried in the corner until my mom picked me up. I'm pretty sure she just invited me so that everyone could pick on me. I know bullying is so common that I'm sure everyone has had their fair share of it. But moving schools so many times it was hard to just insert myself into pre-established friendships. My friend from the other school was really my only saving grace and I am so thankful for her!

Over the years my parent's began mending some of the relationships with our legitimate family members. Over time my mom's brothers came back into our lives and so we were able to gain some actual family members. My dad's sister  had two boys, around my age but their family was very really well off which made their kids spoiled and bratty and would view our family like we were nothing, so we never really built any type of relationship with them. One of my Zio's on my mom's side eventually got married and had two boys which was great because I finally had cousins that I could bond with, but the age difference was large that as I grew up it was difficult to maintain, but none the less I still see them frequently and love them to pieces. What was the most difficult for me growing up was not really having family members my age that I had a relationship with. Like stated previously a lot of our friends became family which meant that their children were like cousins to us, but in reality they had cousins of their own that they shared a relationship with and so my brother and I were always taking a backseat. It seemed like everyone we knew had huge families. Lots of Zia's, Zio's and cousins to go around. I realized later in life that we viewed these people like family but they weren't lacking family like we were, so we viewed and valued our relationships differently then they did. Family to me is so important but at the same time, the people who are blood aren't family if they don't act like it. Growing up I would always tell myself that when it was time for me to start a family, I wanted people in my life that loved me and genuinely wanted to be apart of my life, whether family or friend. 

Between growing up with little family and struggling to make genuine friends, my childhood wasn't easy. I was always so jealous of people with big families that would have large get togethers for holiday's or birthday's because mine were always small. Holiday's were the most difficult because the friends that we viewed as family, would be visiting their actual families. And now that we are growing up, seeing people is even more difficult because everyone has their own lives going on. Sometimes it makes me sad knowing that the people I spent my entire life with are growing apart and doing their own thing. People are getting married, moving out with their partners, having babies etc. making it that more difficult to stay connected. These people mean everything to me and I hope that once we all start having families of our own that they don't forget about me and want to continue the connection and bond our families started and that we can pass on to our families. I've tried to make it a point that every holiday we do a "friends" version of it. So the weekend before a major holiday I try to get all the parents to coordinate a big feast with all the kids so that we can all reconnect and share some quality time together. To me friends have a special place in my heart because they don't have any obligation to be in my life, they choose to share their lives with me and I am so lucky to have people who are my friends that I can call family.

Deanna