Before Canada was put in a state of emergency I would have never thought something like this would ever happen. I remember being at placement on a Friday March 13th and all of the ECE's were panicking. At this point COVID was spreading very quickly and Canada had no way of responding to it. Schools were closed the day before and we were waiting to hear the news that daycares were going to close down too. There were several children and workers who recently returned home from vacation and were not told they had to stay home to quarantine so having them at the daycare was concerning. My field mentor was very worried that the virus was at the centre and began asking all of us to sanitize the entire room. We began washing all the toys and furniture and the whole time all I could think was, "This is crazy!" I went home that night and told my family what happened at work and how ridiculous it all was. The following day, I got an email from Seneca stating that the campus was closed and all classes were going to be held online, I couldn't believe it got to this point, but I had no idea how much worse it was going to get. Shortly after things in the community began to close; restaurants, nail salons, malls etc. I quickly fell into a state of panic, nothing like this has ever happened and not too long ago I was joking around saying how stupid this was and didn't think it would make its way to Canada. A few days later, March 17th, it was my 6 year anniversary with Joseph and this pandemic was definitely not what I had in mind. A few months prior we booked an overnight stay in Toronto and were really looking forward to it. After everything we have been through the last several months we were excited to have a little vacation for our anniversary. Unfortunately because of COVID and everything shutting down we had to cancel our trip and we were not even able to celebrate our 6 year anniversary.
My parents were told that they had to work from home and even my boyfriend was laid off from his job because all of the construction sites were closing down. We were all worried of what was going to happen next but we were all hopefully that it would only last a few weeks. At first it was kind of nice, I didn't have to wake up early to go to school, I could log in at any time I wanted, I could be in my pyjama's while listening to my lecture etc. Another great thing that came from this was that my boyfriend moved in so we were able to spend more time together that we normally wouldn't have. We baked together, watched tv together, exercised together you name it. To me it was a way to get in some quality time. However when my boyfriend or parents would leave the house it would cause me so much stress. I would worry the whole time if they were being safe or if people around them were being cautious. I think the hardest thing for me was that people were not taking COVID seriously at the time and so people who tested positive were still leaving their homes even though they were informed to quarantine at home for 14 days. Or people would go and hang out with friends even though we were told to stay home and social distance. People were being selfish and inconsiderate of others and I was scared that when Joseph or my parents went out they could contract the virus from someone who shouldn't have been out. For the 6 weeks I refused to go out. I did not want to take any unnecessary risks. My mentality was that if I left the house I would get sick. And because I did not want to leave the house I also did not want to order food. I was under the impression that there was a risk of getting sick because someone preparing my food was sick and then passed on the virus. So because I was not ordering food I prepared meals everyday for the 6 weeks. It was exhausting trying to organize what to buy and taking the time to prep everything but to me that was safer then ordering food so thats what we did.
I completed school after 4 weeks in so for the majority of the quarantine I had nothing to do. After 6 weeks my boyfriend reached out to his job and found out that he could go back to work, so now I was going to be completely alone. Being alone was the least of my concerns because I was more worried about him going back to work and getting sick. For the 6 weeks I obsessed over COVID. I would check the numbers of Ontario twice a day, I would research articles about cases and updates and wanted to know everything regarding the matter. This is what drove my anxiety even more because everyday the numbers kept getting worse and the state of emergency kept getting pushed back and the fact that my boyfriend was going to return back to work was horrifying to me. I struggled with trying to be positive and trying to remain calm and I was doing pretty well but when it was time for him to return back to work my anxiety went 0 to 100 real quick. It's selfish of me to say this, I know because many people have been front line this entire time and I've been lucky enough to stay home with my family. But regardless of that it's still scary, COVID is not gone. Yes there are more precautions and safety measures but it does not mean my family cannot contract the virus. Then it got me thinking back to people going to grocery stores, theres no way of knowing someone has the virus and my mom could easily get it there just as much as Joseph could from going to work. I think the hardest part about this pandemic is just the uncertainty of it all. Know one really knows how long this is going to last, no one really knows when people can travel again safely, no know really knows they are safe when they leave the house, no know really knows what the world is going to look like and what "normal" is going to be. I'm the type of person who constantly needs to be in control of things. I don't like uncertainty because it makes me feel powerless and COVID has not been something easy for me to deal with.
People have had to cancel their weddings and baby showers. People have had to celebrate birthdays without many friends and family. People will be delivering babies without any family. Many front line workers can’t even see their own children. This breaks my heart and it frustrates me that people are still meeting up with friends or having gatherings at a park when so many people are missing out on important things. What also upsets me is that I was so looking forward to starting my career, I've come all this way to find my passion and went back to school to just end up being stuck at home unable to work. Being in the classroom gives me so much joy and when it's finally my time to return this happens. I'm also not able to see my friends which has been very difficult because I would see them on a weekly basis. Things went upside down really quickly and I think many of us were taken by surprise when our country "shut down" in a matter of days. What I keep trying to tell myself is that everyone is feeling the same way I am. I am not the only person who is feeling scared or anxious or frustrated. I am lucky enough to live at home and not have any bills or responsibilities. That being said I am still entitled to my feelings and it's normal to feel this way in this kind of situation. I don't really know what the future holds, I don't know what this means for my career, or buying a home, planning a wedding or starting a family. All I can do right now is enjoy the time I have with my boyfriend and my family, continue to have good health and occupy my time as best as I can. I hope that this brings you some type of comfort if you may be feeling the same way, so just know you are not alone and it's okay to feel the way you are feeling, these are uncertain times. Take care of yourself and stay safe.
Deanna
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