Starting college again for the second time was definitely scary. I didn’t know anyone in this program, let alone at this college. I hadn’t been a student for over a year so I was worried getting back in the grove of things would be a challenge. I remember how stressful my first program was and this was only going to be much more stressful. The program was structured as three days of school and two days of physical placement. I was excited to start the program but nervous to learn all this new material, a subject that is completely new to me, as I previously enrolled in a business program. I’m the type of person who doesn’t do well with change. Clearly from my first post if you read it, once my mind is set I struggle with changing my frame of mind. If you know me well, I plan 5 years in advance, so you can imagine if something doesn’t go as planned, the timeline I’ve set begins to crumble. When this happens I feel defeated, I feel lost, I feel overwhelmed and I believe that’s why I experienced that panic attack from my first post. I think I’ve always struggled with anxiety, I just didn’t know what it was at the time. I assumed it was just normal to feel overwhelmed when things didn’t go as planned. I’ve come a long way in learning to cope with my anxieties and I am learning to accept that things change, that I need to be more flexible and open minded and that I am doing the best that I can. But more of that in another post.
On my first day I sat in the front row, ya I one of those students. My professor came into the room and asked us all to join in a big circle so we could get to know each other better. As I looked around the room I noticed that I wasn’t the only person my age, I even noticed some people much older than me. It gave me a sense of comfort knowing that no matter what age you are, you can make a change in your life. After class I approached two girls and asked if they wanted to have lunch with me. I wanted to make friends, I wanted this journey to be happy and I wanted to be able to share it with others. Little did I know that these two girls would be continuing this journey with me till the end.
There was definitely many challenges to this program; I struggled, I cried, I felt overwhelmed but I also laughed a lot and felt so much joy too. The best part of this program, aside from making friends and building relationships with many professors which I intend to keep in touch with, were all the memories I was able to create with children during my placements. Now let me tell you placement was no walk in the park, it was two long days of hard work that many times went unappreciated. But what kept me going was knowing I was making a difference in children’s lives and that’s the reason I got into this profession, for the children.
There was definitely many challenges to this program; I struggled, I cried, I felt overwhelmed but I also laughed a lot and felt so much joy too. The best part of this program, aside from making friends and building relationships with many professors which I intend to keep in touch with, were all the memories I was able to create with children during my placements. Now let me tell you placement was no walk in the park, it was two long days of hard work that many times went unappreciated. But what kept me going was knowing I was making a difference in children’s lives and that’s the reason I got into this profession, for the children.
With the COVID-19 pandemic occurring earlier this year I was unable to actually finish my final placement. It was unfortunate because I wasn’t able to say goodbye to the children in my care. But I know regardless I made an impact on those children’s lives and many other children that I have had the pleasure to teach. Many times during this program I have had to advocate for myself and for my fellow classmates. I’ve always been the type of person to stand up for myself and others. I believe in justice and fair treatment of people and I am proud that I have been able to make even a small difference in the way class’s are run or how administration deals with student dilemmas. I officially graduated this past April with a 4.0 GPA and made honour role. Although I will not be able to physically attend my convocation ceremony, I celebrated with my family at home.
What disappoints me the most about this situation is after how far I’ve come in my journey of finding my passion, that when I finally crossed the finish line, I’m not able begin working in field because of the schools being closed. Which is what brought me to creating a blog, trying to occupy some of my time being at home. I hope that people reading this are able to connect with some of the experiences I have gone through to bring them some comfort knowing that someone else has been through something similar. And I hope that opening up about some of my struggles and experiences, good and bad, will allow more people to open up and share their journey’s so that we as a society can take a look and realize that there are people just like us out there and not to feel ashamed or embarrassed for feeling a certain way or dealing with certain insecurities.
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