So I got engaged!

Hello Readers,

As you probably already know from the title of this blog is that I got engaged! The day of the proposal seemed like any ordinary Sunday, wake up late, have breakfast and get ready to start the day. Everything seemed normal, my boyfriend and I (now fiancé) love going for sushi picnics so we decided to order some sushi and go to the park for a picnic since it was a nice day. We hung out at the park for a few hours, we talked and enjoyed the weather. I'm telling you Joseph was so calm the whole time I had no idea what was about to happen. I did not suspect a thing. We load the car back up and start heading home. As we start driving it began to rain, I notice that Joseph starts to get upset so I reply "It's okay babe we just made it to the car, I'm sure it will stop soon." We continue driving and I can see him shaking his head with frustration, I begin thinking to myself "Why is he so upset about rain, we can just hang out inside the house for the rest of the day." We arrive home and none of my families cars were on the driveway which never happens. But my parents told me that they were going to the mall with some friends and I just assumed my brother stepped out. As we unload the car the rain starts to slow down and we go into the house. I approached my dog and said to Joseph, "I'll take Theo out to use the washroom." Joseph replies "Take him in the front because your mom told me today that she doesn't want him using the back anymore." I think to myself, umm ok? As I'm outside with my dog I start thinking to myself, am I getting proposed to? He seemed so nervous once we arrived to the house, he was so upset in the car when it started raining, no one's home, he's telling me to take my dog in the front; it's all starting to add up. I bring my dog back inside and he says to me, "I think it stopped raining did you want to go sit in the back for a bit?" So I reply "Ok" and as I approach the back sliding door all the shutters were closed and then he grabs my hand. I think to my self, holy crap. As I slide the shutters out of the way to get to the sliding door, I see in larger silver letters "Marry Me". My jaw dropped to the floor and my whole body began to shake. Even though I started to pick up on some things, I truly was not expecting this to happen. We walked towards the balloons, rose petals and candles along the path and he drops down on one knee and gives the sweetest speech about his love for me and how excited he is to spend the rest of his life with me. In that moment I completely black out, all I could think about was that we were finally taking this next step in our relationship. I could see my future flashing in front of me, my wedding day, our honey moon, having a baby, it was just a flood of emotions. About a half hour later some of my family begins to arrive to congratulate us, we had food, champagne and cake. While the party was happening I was sitting there and still trying to process everything.

I have been waiting for this moment since the day I started dating Joseph. Almost immediately I knew Joseph was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Even though this has been something I have been fantasying about for years, it was still such a complete shock and an abundance of emotions. For about three days later I was still in stock, shaking and going through all the feelings. No matter how much you can prepare yourself for this day to happen, when it finally does, it solidifies the beginning of a new chapter. It also opens the door to many huge life changes; my identity as "Deanna" now becomes future wife, future mother, future home owner etc. Even though this is such a happy moment in my life, it also opens my eyes to some big moves in the future. We have to plan a bridal shower, a stag, a wedding, finding a home to start our family, a honeymoon etc. Which is why we have decided to have a 2 year engagement so that all of those exciting yet terrifying big moves can happen in a more relaxed manner. The days following my engagement I did some inner searching, meditation, breathing exercises, to help ground me. Although I was so happy and so excited, it was a big life changing event. I am the type of person who needs time to process things, I go through a wide range of feelings and thoughts until I can settle into comfort. Because this was honestly such a shock, it took some time to make peace with all of the things that come along with this next chapter of my life. I was trying to find articles of women who might have gone through a similar situation because I felt like I should be screaming to the world but I was more content. After reading some articles I felt so much better knowing I wasn't alone. There are many women that feel like their life is about to completely change. And I want to make it very clear that those feelings had nothing to do with Joseph because I love that man to death, but more about my life changing into a different role and identity that I have been living for the past 24 years. Once I spoke with Joseph and understood how my "new self" doesn't have to change me, I finally was able to come to terms of this next chapter. Immediately I began going to my Pinterest page, calling venues, finding places to buy my dress, thinking about my bridal party etc and I couldn't be more excited.

So what am I getting at, well first, if you felt similar or wonder if how you will react when this happens to you, know that you are not alone. Second, communication is HUGE. I feel so comfortable coming to Joseph about anything, I knew he wouldn't judge me, I knew he would support me and I knew he would accept me and that's exactly what he did. If I kept to myself I probably would have felt like crap for hiding it from him. The whole point of getting engaged is to spend the rest of your life with one person. That person should be someone who you tell everything to, who loves you for you and who will listen and support you. I knew once I told Joseph and he understood how I was feeling, he would be able to help me through it and make me feel better and he 100% did just that. He knows me so well, he knew I was having some anxiety, knowing it had nothing to do with him but rather just the changes that will come in the future. I am so thankful to have a man like Joseph and I cannot wait to spend the REST of my life next to him.

Thank you for reading my rant today, until next time.

Deanna