Whether you are the one breaking up with someone or on the other end of someone breaking up with you, it's never an easy process. Especially if you have dedicated so much time and effort into someone, ultimately you're invested and want it to work out, but sometimes it's just not meant to be.
If you're the one breaking up with someone you have probably taken a lot of time to come to this conclusion. This is not something that is taken lightly and it's not something you came up with overnight. You have given this a lot of thought and now you don't know how to begin. Now regardless of the reason why you came to this decision, this is completely your own choice, but I do want to inform you that the best way to handle this is to continuously show grace and maturity. Your partner may not see it coming and may react with some shock or anger, it's important that no matter the reason behind the breakup that you go through this process with respect. How your partner reacts after the news is there prerogative, you can only control your actions and behaviour. Getting out of a toxic relationship is not easy, believe me. But if you have built the courage to walk away just know that you are brave. In this time I suggest not to jump into anything too quickly, take some time for your self. Self-reflect and do some self-care, you deserve it. Also take this time to know your worth and determine the type of qualities you deserve in your next partner and don't settle for anything less. Go out with your friends (obviously not now because of COVID), but focus on some relationships that may have taken a backseat.
You may have broken up with a partner not because it was toxic, but that he or she was not the "one" and that's totally fine. Sometimes people grow apart or find out that they aren't a match. The point is that you have come to the conclusion that you no longer want to continue the relationship and although it may be difficult to walk away, the earlier you realize your partner is not someone you want to share the rest of your life with, the less invested your heart will be in it. Also just as a curtsy to your partner, they deserve to know and have the ability to go out and find their person too, so by you being honest, you are allowing them to continue on their journey. Depending on how things unfold, you may even remain friends, or at least acquaintances and wish the best for each other. Obviously this doesn't always happen but in some cases it's nice walking away with a common respect for one another.
Now if you are the one being broken up with, I feel your pain. I've only had two boyfriends, one I am currently dating and then my ex, but I have had many "love interests" that ended. The worst part about this is that a lot of the times, or at least in my case, I was being lead on and the guy had no interest in pursuing a relationship. And because I didn't know this information I would get my hopes up. I would think that something more would come of it and I would put my heart on the line. Every time it happened it was just as bad as the last. It's never something you see coming and it doesn't get easier. If you're anything like me when you work towards something, whether it's a relationship or a project for work, I give it my 110%. So when I'm that invested in someone who isn't really being that truthful of their intentions, I would always end up hurt. If this happens to you what's important here is that you do not give up on love. Eventually you will find your person and when you do you will be glad that you didn't give up. The only advice I can give you is just to be more cautious when giving your heart out. If I could go back in time I think that's the one piece of advice I would give myself. I wouldn't tell myself, "Oh you shouldn't go after this guy", I would just inform myself to not give so much of my heart so quick. The thing is, all these experiences, all the hurt I have gone through, has made me who I am today. It has given me my voice and allowed me to determine my worth. So when Joseph came into my life, I knew I was done with the hurt and was looking for something serious and if he wasn't prepared for that, I told him "On to the next". So if you have recently been broken up with take this time to self-reflect and self-care. Figure out whether it was something on your end, maybe you lacked in communication, so figure out how you can work on this quality. Or it could have been the person you were involved with just didn't have good intentions, so try to determine how to point this out so that your not in a situation like this again. Regardless of the reason, take the time to determine your next steps. Don't jump into another relationship too quickly. This is the perfect time to take care of your self. You could take on a project like re organizing your room or try something new like baking. Don't dwell on the breakup, you need to lift yourself up and rise to the occasion. Sometimes things like this just happen and it's up to your how you react to it. Show them what they're missing and find your worth.
I hope this bit of advice is helpful to those who are thinking of breaking off a relationship or is going through a recent breakup. Regardless of where you fit in this post just know that things work out, it may not be as quick as you like it but if you're a good person, eventually good things will come your way. Good luck and stay safe.
Deanna
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