As you can see from this picture how chaotic my life is right now. I just finished my first week of training/prep at my new job. I'm working for a virtual summer camp that runs until the end of August and then it turns into a tutoring job once school returns in September. For those of you that know me well know that I have been looking at pre-construction townhouse's a lot lately. Me and Joseph have been together for almost 6 and half years now and we are planning our future's together and that means buying our first home. I'll be the first to say that I hate condo's. I mean no disrespect to those who live in condo's and love it, it's just not my cup of tea. I've grown up in homes my whole life, I like the aspect of having land and the idea of my children playing on the street like I did growing up. With this current pandemic a lot of things have been uncertain and kinda up in the air. I have no idea what the school environment will look like in September. I've applied to 3 school board's but I haven't heard back from any of them. There is a good possibility that I won't have a job in the next few months. This summer camp is only 3 hours a day however, I also will be collecting CESB to top my pay. In September the tutoring is also 3 hours but CESB ends at the end of August. There might not be a need to hire more supply ECE's which means the only income I have for September and October is a 3 hour job. I worked my ass off to get where I am today and it would be so degrading if I have to get myself a retail job after completing two Diploma's. Now I'm not saying retail jobs are demeaning because believe me I've had my fair share of retail jobs while in high school and while getting my Diploma's. What I mean is that I have worked very hard and for many years to get this far to just take another retail job is just heartbreaking.
Now don't get me wrong I am very fortunate to have a family that will allow me to stay and save my money for as long as I want. But it has come to a point where I just want to move on with my life. I want the privacy for my own home, and have the ability to do what I want. I wish that I could hold off another 3 more years until I'm married, but if this pandemic taught me anything is that I am independent, I can take care of myself and I want the chance to start having freedom. I want a place that's mine and Joseph's, where we can come home after work and be in peace. Which got me thinking today about condo's. Ya can you believe it, after I just said I hate condo's, I've now been looking at condo's. Unfortunately with one income, condo's are all we can really afford right now. I'm trying to look at it as a stepping stone, we first get a condo for a few years and then hopefully if the market is good we can sell it and finally get the townhouse we've been dreaming of.
My family has gone through a life time of pain these last few years. People say that what we've gone through has brought us closer together and stronger. And in some aspects that's very true. But at the same time it's made us a little different, something that we had no control over. And because of this it's made me realize that I've been so dependent on my family and that has caused me to be scared to venture off on my own. I didn't go on that trip with just Joseph because I was scared to be in a foreign country without my parents by my side. Had they not been there maybe none of this would have happened. And I know I can't think that way but for me it was a life lesson. At the end of the day I figured everything out and I got us home safety and that's all that really matters. But that also proves that I am strong and independent, even though I never believed in myself. I'm ready to take the next step in my life. I've always dreamed of my life following a different flow, the more traditional way you know (engagement, marriage, home then family). But maybe the things I've been through has caused me to change my perspectives a bit. Maybe I need to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. I really don't know what my next move is, there are so many different factors. It's not as simple as just waking up and moving out. All I know is I want to start living a life of my own, on my terms and in my own way.
Thank for reading my rant today, I've just had a lot on my mind and blogging has always been such a helpful tool. Stay safe everyone.
Deanna
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