Relationships

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 9 years before we started dating, but I don’t think we had more than 5 conversations together. We grew up in the same neighbourhood, we attended the same elementary and high school, we just never really engaged in much conversation. Now before I get into our relationship I think it’s important to discuss my previous relationship to add a better understanding to how me and Joseph came to be.

I met my ex boyfriend at a party when I was 15, I don’t know how my parents let me out at such a young age but here I am. He approached me and we started talking. I remember sitting off in a corner and talking to him the whole night. As I was leaving to go home with my friends we exchanged numbers. He lived far from me and since we were 15 at the time we couldn’t really hang out so we would just text a lot. About a month later, in June, he asked me out on a date to a restaurant near my house, he told me to meet him there. We had a nice time and as he walked me home he asked me to be his girlfriend. I just remember feeling so excited to have my first boyfriend. What I didn’t take into account was how little I actually knew about him. 

I introduced him to my parents and he introduced me to his. My parents weren’t too thrilled that I had a boyfriend at 15 but allowed it anyway. Because it was summer we would hang out as often as we could. We would go to each other’s house, walk around the mall, go watch a movie or have dinner, typical stuff. At first it was great, you know the “honeymoon” stage, always laughing and having a good time. When we returned back to school in September, we weren’t able to see each other as often, this is when things took a turn. During the week we were busy with school and on Friday’s we would want to hang out with our friends. I also had a part-time job so I used to work a lot on weekends so finding time to see him was difficult, but we made it work. He however, did not have a part-time job so he would go out very frequently with his friends. 

What was weird about our relationship was that he meet all my friends, but I didn't know any of his. So when he would go out I would always be so curious to know who these people were. I would ask him “Where you going tonight?”, “Oh just to the movies” or “Oh just to a friends house” and if I asked any more questions he would start to argue with me, so I would just accept it and leave it alone. But when I went out he would ask me a thousand questions, he would ask me to take pictures to prove where I was and would always ask me if there were other guys around. He was very "protective" of me and wanted to know every last detail. It was very odd and my friends would always make comments but I did it anyway. When we would finally see each other I would ask him, “So what did you do yesterday? Who were you with?” and it would turn into this big fight. As much as I would love to get into detail about the context of our arguments, for his sake I am keeping it confidential, me still being a nice person.

I would find out that he lied to me, or went behind my back or did things he knew I didn’t like him doing. He would manipulate me into apologizing to him after he did something wrong or else he would ignore me for days. I would have to beg for his forgiveness even though he screwed up. I was in love, deeply, I would have done anything for him. If I was mad at him for lying about something, instead of fighting, a lot of the times I would just suck it up to avoid conflict. I finally had enough after a year and a half and broke up with him. The hardest part about our break up was losing my connection with his family. I had created such a great bond with each of his family members that they became like my own family. Leaving him would mean that I would lose them and that was a hard decision for me. It was difficult to come to terms with the breakup, all I could think was, “Will anyone ever love me again?” I was almost 17 when we broke up, so of course I would find love again, but I didn’t know that at the time. I wanted things between us to work out and I thought I found my person. I didn’t think someone would ever love me like he did. But he didn’t love me that’s the thing, because if he loved me as much as I thought he did, he would never treat me like that. But that’s how someone who gains power in a relationship makes their significant other feel, that even though they didn’t treat them good, they think they will never find love that’s better. And when I finally realized this I knew I had to end it.

A few months later I start talking to Joseph, my current boyfriend. In grade 12 we shared several classes together and that's how we became close. He was a gentlemen from the start, he always knew how to make me laugh. He was a little immature but we were only 17 so I rolled with it. If you know me well I am an old soul, so when I say he was immature at 17 it was because I was ancient at that time lol. We would have lunch together, we would talk on the phone at night and hang out on weekends. For the first time in a very long time I was happy. I never imagined that someone could treat me the way I deserved to be treated. I told him all about my ex and explained to him that I never want to go through that again and I could see it in his eyes that he would never let me experience that or treat me that way. Everyone around me would tell me that Joseph liked me but I just wanted to be friends. That year we went to Montreal for March Break, he asked me out on a date, I was hesitant at first because I wasn't sure if I wanted to cross the friendship line, but he was so sweet and I could see that he would be a great guy for me so I went. I remember going back to the hotel that night I was so happy to have found such a genuine, kind, funny, loving and caring guy. I told all my friends that I was starting to like him and wanted to see if things could progress more. A day later we went to a club and he kissed me for the first time. It was like butterflies in my stomach and I was smiling from ear to ear. When we returned back home he asked me to be his girlfriend and at first I wasn't sure if I should say yes, my ex and I broke up only 6 months before and I was worried that I might be rushing into it. I was also worried that the same thing would happen to me. My ex was so sweet in the beginning, it made me second guess if Joseph could be the same. That he was just putting up a front to make me interested and then change to his true self as the relationship progressed. What people may not know about my relationship with Joseph is that after two weeks of dating we broke up. I was scared to fall in love again and so instead of talking about my feelings and trying to work through it, I ended it. I felt so bad that I hurt him and regretted it instantly. Another 2 weeks had passed and all I could think about was how stupid I was ending things. I was so happy and I could see that he was such a good guy and that he wouldn’t hurt me and so I reached out to him to try and mend our relationship. At first he was hesitant to get back together but he came around and I’m so thankful that he did. Later that year we went to prom together and then prom cottage in the summer. We started dating when we were 17, now were 23 and we are still together, 6 years and a lifetime to go. Throughout the years we have fought, no relationship is perfect. We have been through a lot together, if you have read any of my previous posts, Joseph was apart of every single one of those experiences. He has helped me through more than I could have ever imagined. Without his support and love I’m not sure where I would be. Joseph and I came to the agreement when we first started dating that although we may fight and although we may have different opinions, that we allow each other to discuss our feelings in a respectable manner and that we come to a resolution as a team. I think the most important concept of this post is for others to understand that although it feels like you’re stuck, although you may feel like this is the best you’re gonna get, believe me you’re wrong. You deserve better and you deserve to be treated with respect. Go find yourself a Joseph, he is the real deal and he is out there, don’t be afraid to look.

Deanna