So for those of you who read my post about relationships, I thought I would create a post with relationship advice that have worked for me and my relationship and therefore I wanted to share some tips in order to help other relationships be successful.
1. Communication
Communication in a relationship is huge. When feelings, emotions and thoughts are not shared and bottled inside, it causes sever damage. In order to maintain a healthy relationship there has to be an open line of communication between both sides. I know sometimes topics can be difficult to talk about, believe me I've had my fair share of these conversations, but if I didn't share my thoughts with Joseph it would have just manifested inside me and that's not healthy. It's also not fair to Joseph if I keep these feelings, emotions and thoughts to myself when he should have the opportunity to weigh in and possible even help me through them. If you and your partner truly love and support each other, regardless what needs to be shared, you both should be able to find a solution as a team. If you're scared for how your partner will react after being open with them, then there needs to be another conversation. In a relationship if one person is afraid to be open and honest then that relationship needs some work. A relationship is a partnership and both parties need to know that no matter what is going on, no matter how they are feeling, they should be able to share those things with their partner without fear of reaction. I know from my previous relationship that a lot of the times I kept things to myself to keep the peace, but all that was doing was adding stress, anxiety and anger towards my relationship. Eventually things bottled up, I didn't want to be in a relationship where I wasn't able to speak my truth because I was afraid of how my partner would react and so our relationship ended. In order for a relationship to be successful there needs to be an open line of communication and a healthy agreement of support and love, regardless of what's being said. Now I'm not saying cheat on your partner and tell them about it and they should be supportive and loving in their response, no, within reason, you and your partner should be able to come to each other and discuss things without judgement and with the ability to help one another through it.
2. Support
Support is another important aspect in a relationship. Your partner should be your biggest fan and therefore should have your back when you are aspiring to do something new, pursing a dream or dealing with something very difficult. Now I'm not saying your partner should support you quitting your job so that you can become a movie star lol, but if there is something you are ambitious about and that is within reason, then your partner should be the first person to support you. If you read one of my first posts you would know that when I finished my first diploma and I started working I was extremely unhappy. I did not like the path that I chose for myself and it put me in a very dark place. Joseph was the first person to tell me get out of this job and find my true passion. He didn't sit there and tell me to suck it up or continue to be unhappy. He hated seeing me so upset that all he wanted was to support me in finding my new path and he gave me the motivation to pursue being an ECE. You need support and motivation in a partner, you need someone who knows you almost better then you know yourself, so that if and when you are dealing with something difficult, or wanting to pursue a dream, your partner is the first person to have your back. When you get the support from your partner it's such an incredible feeling knowing that someone has faith in you, someone loves you so much that they can see the good in something that you are unsure of. And this obviously works both ways, you have to be supportive right back. For those of you who know Joseph he is a Plumber, there have been times where he was unsure of his career too. He told me that he didn't know if he chose the right path either. Every time he has come to confide in me I have always told him that he is an amazing Plumber, his company loves him and job sites request him because he work is phenomenal but if he is unhappy then we can explore other careers and I would help him make a decision. Joseph is still a Plumber to this day and actually a fully Licensed Plumber as of January 2020, so sometimes your partner just needs support in knowing that they are amazing and doing great and that's all they need to feel reassured.
3. Sense of Humour
One of the first things I told Joseph when we first started dating was that I needed a guy who was funny, who jokes around and who will always make me laugh. My previous relationship was so strict and serious, anytime I would joke around, he would take it so seriously. So I knew my next relationship I wanted someone who was going to be my partner in crime. My friends always tell me how funny I am and so it was so important to have a partner that shared the love for laugher and fun. Joseph always knows how to make me laugh. Over the years he has been able to read my mood and can tell when I need some good laughter. When Mickey was alive he used to love picking him up, putting on a song and dancing with him all around the family room. It used to make me die of laughter and always lifted my spirits. During our relationship we know when its serious time and when it's okay to joke around. We have established a line and we try not to cross it. Sometimes we try to joke around and it's not really a good time to do so but it's always with good intentions. Laugher is the best medicine and without silliness and fun in a relationship then why are you even dating? Me and Joseph have pretty much morphed into the same person and in a way it's the best because your craziness is now his craziness and you can just feel comfortable knowing you got a partner just like you. So if you want a healthy relationship then LAUGH! Don't be afraid to be silly with your partner, if they truly love you, they will love even the crazy in you.
4. Trust
Trust is probably one of the most important aspects in a relationship, without it, it's just messy. And what I mean by this is if you're not able to trust your partner then it turns into jealously and arguments and that's not a healthy relationship. You have to develop trust with your partner so that these other negative things don't get in the way. Trust goes hand and hand with loyalty, because if you and your partner establish trust with each other then you will be loyal to one another. If the trust is broken then feeling of insecurities arise and that leads to jealous. In my past relationship we clearly did not trust one another and I think that lead to the majority of our problems. I didn't trust him when he went out and he didn't trust me when I went out and that created insecurities and arguments. Trust doesn't just happen, it's proven through behaviour and actions. If your partner continuously proves to be dishonest then building trust would be extremely difficult or losing of trust will begin to happen. The more that is lost, the harder it is to regain, especially if actions and behaviours don't show a change. You and your partner must have a strong trust for each other or your relationship will crumble, believe me.
5. Intimacy and Love
What I mean by intimacy and love is feeling like you belong and are loved by your partner. That you are both able to share quality time with one another and connect on a deeper level. Without this then what separates your relationship with a friendship. With intimacy you feel like you're known and understood by your partner. Ultimately intimacy creates a deeper sense of security with your partner, it makes you feel accepted and appreciated. You and your partner have to click, both on an emotional and physical connection. If one of these areas are lacking then your relationship may not be as strong as you want it to be. This kind of goes back to communication because if you and your partner can't build an emotional connection through conversations about feelings and emotions, then you won't really build the intimacy part of the relationship. Sometimes you have to be vulnerable in a relationship but if you have built the love and trust then letting the walls down is much easier.
6. Friendship
I personally believe that a relationship is healthier, stronger and more likely to last when a friendship is built first. As stated previously me and Joseph were friends before we started dating. We got to know each other without any pressure or expectations before becoming a couple and I believe that sets the foundation for a lasting relationship. Building a bond together before letting attraction get in the way can give you some better insight to whether a relationship can form. If you get along great as friends then theres a good chance a relationship can foster. What's amazing about my relationship with Joseph is that he's my boyfriend and my best friend. I seek his opinion on everything, I confide in him and when I get good news he's the first person I want to tell. I must admit when me and Joseph were friends, it was hard for me to see past that, meaning because we built a friendship it took me some time to see him as a partner. It may be awkward at first because one of you has to make the first move but it's more comfortable when getting involved with a friend then someone you just recently met. Joseph already knew so much about me before we became a couple, unlike my previous relationship we were learning about each other as we were in a relationship. Sometimes this works and I'm not saying that people who meet as strangers and start dating don't last. I'm just saying from my personal experience, that dating a friend worked out better for me. I can't imagine my life without Joseph and I'm so happy to have found a friend and a lifelong partner.
I hope this advice can give couples some insights on how to develop a healthy and long lasting relationship. You are truly lucky if you are able to find a life partner who supports and loves you and is someone you can call your best friend.
Deanna
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