Introducing myself...

This is a picture of me posing for my graduation back in 2017. I decided to start here because this is where I believe my journey took a turn.

I graduated from George Brown College in Toronto with an Advanced Diploma in Business Administration, specializing in Supply Chain Management. I graduated with a 3.8 GPA and received Honours, I thought I had found my passion, thought I found a career that I would be successful in. I was probably the happiest I’ve ever been, I felt so accomplished, my family was so proud of me and I was so eager and excited to start my career, or so I thought.

I found a job in my field almost instantly, it was this small company that manufactured and sold PPE (personal protective equipment). It was definitely not the type of industry I wanted to be working for, but I knew it was a start in the right direction to gain the experience I needed before I could get my foot in the door with some top companies such as Holt Renfrew or Loblaws. I worked there for about 3 weeks, I know pathetic, but it was honestly the most depressing time of my life. I slipped into such a dark place, I was so unhappy with what I was doing, I couldn’t imagine doing this for the rest of my life. I shut out all my friends and family, refused to talk about what I was feeling and what I was going through. I finally had enough and wanted to take charge of my life and decided to quit, that was the easy part. My family was super supportive and just wanted me to be happy, but now I needed to figure out what to do with my life.

In the meantime my mom got me a job with an old co-worker of hers with a investment bank, once again not where I saw myself working but it was a job until I could figure out what I wanted to do. I was working in an industry I truly knew nothing about, it was a major learning curve. But the people I worked with were very helpful and supportive in my learning and I made the best of the experience. It was a three month contract which was great for me because I thought once I’m done I can start doing what I set out to do, or so I thought. The contract was coming to an end and I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself, I was more confused then ever. The Vice President of Compliance (my boss’ boss) who had mentored me during my time, called me into his office. He thanked me for all my hard work and then offered me a full-time position at the company. I was in complete shock. I didn’t know if this was something I wanted to do for the rest of my life, investment banking, something I just started to learn three month ago. I told him I’d go home and think about it.

That night I went home and told my parents, they were so happy for me. Meanwhile I had no idea if I was going to take it or not. The next day I woke up, I still didn’t have an answer. I had two days left of my contract before it was over and would have to either take this new job or walk away. I got to work and was walking up to the elevator when I collapsed to the floor. I was having a panic attack. People where staring at me, I quickly got up and rushed to a bench to sit down. At the time I didn’t know what was happening, I’d never had a panic attack before. I called my mom who luckily worked in the building across the street and she ran over. I was in tears, I was shaking, I couldn’t feel my fingers. This was the first time that reality set in for me. All I could think was, “Do I want to be one those people that get stuck in a job that they hate for the rest of their lives and just be miserable?” At the time I was only 21, I didn’t want to hate my life at such a young age.

I ended up going home, I was in no condition to work. I emailed my boss and told him I wasn’t feeling well. I wanted to avoid the situation for as long as I could. All I could think about the train ride home was where do I go from here. The rest of the day I just stared into blank space, trying to process what just happened. The next day, on my final day of the contract, I told my boss and the Vice President that although I was appreciative of the offer that I had to decline, I needed to find my passion in life and I needed to do that in a good head space. I went home that day feeling relieved like a weight was lifted off my shoulder, but the challenge now was to figure out my next step.